Normal People Know How To Park

• If you park on or over the line you are not normal.
• If you pull too far forward and the nose of your car sticks into the next parking spot you are not normal.
• If you leave the tail end of your car sticking out into the driving path you are not normal.
• If you double park on purpose you are not only not normal you are an inconsiderate ass.
• If you park ON a curb you are not normal.
• If you parallel park and park too close to a car you are not normal.
• If you parallel park and take up more than one spot you are the worst not normal of all. Congrats. Because you are plain rude or just too lazy to park correctly you have taken up enough room for a circus and have caused some poor normal person to circle the block looking for a spot.
• If you park in a non parking spot and block someone else in you are not normal and I hope the other person calls a tow truck and you get what you deserve.

What is so difficult about parking a car? NOTHING!!! Just put your car between the lines. So, why is it that everywhere I look I see bad parking jobs? Because, sadly, not normals are given drivers licenses too. I know what you are thinking… not normals and driving is an oxymoron. I clearly agree but until we can convince the DMV to give a normalcy test in addition to a written driving test the not normal population will continue to sit behind the wheel. (insert shudder here)

For a good laugh check out www.niceparkingdude.com and www.youparklikeanasshole.com

Normal People Would Not Purchase One Of These

There are so many things wrong with this that I’m not sure where to begin. First, what not normal person created this? Clearly this was created by a not normal to sell to other not normals because even if a normal person thought of this (which would be a stretch) the thought process would go like this…

Normal person thinks to self: It’d be great if there were some kind of pillow that was like an arm so that when my significant other was gone…What the hell am i talking about! I would look like such a moron if i tried to pitch that idea. What a stupid idea. I need to forget i ever thought it.

So, we’ve established that this was made by a not normal. Now let’s move on the the morons that purchase this. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??? This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen. It’s creepy. If you are so attached to the person you sleep with that you can’t sleep alone when they are gone you are not normal. If you buy this when you don’t have a significant other to pretend like you do you are CLEARLY not normal. There is no normal reason to buy this piece of crap arm pillow.

Below is the sales pitch for the product. It should be titled “Calling All Crazies.”

Boyfriend Arm Pillow
Never curl up on the couch alone again, with this comforting arm that wraps around you as if to say, “I’m sorry work was rotten today,” or “No, you pick what we watch tonight,” all the stuff you’d never hear from a real boyfriend.

WTF????????? Stay normal people!

Normal People Do Not Live In Filth

There is no excuse for filth! By filth I do not mean a typical amount of clutter, yesterday’s clothes on the floor, make-up on the bathroom counter, shoes in the living room, or any of the everyday stuff that normal people have laying around their house that may need to be picked up before company comes over. Filth is plates with moldy food piled up in a sink, overflowing smelly garbage cans, cups that have been left out so long the liquid has evaporated, food in the refrigerator that expired last year, animal feces left on the floor, fast food containers cluttering the place, piles of dirty diapers, toilets that have never been cleaned, compulsive hoarding, or anything else that falls into the filthy category.

There is absolutely, positively, with out a doubt no excuse for your home to resemble a pig pen or trash dump. If you have any of those things going on in your dwelling you are not normal. Solution – CLEAN!!!! Your home does not have to resemble one on the cover of a home design magazine because normal people don’t live that way either but it does have to be clean and free of filth. This post applies to people of all ages, races, and income brackets. You’d be surprised who does and does not live in filth. If you or someone you know are currently living in filth please do something about it immediately! Normal people might find this laughable (because as a normal person you’d assume the following is common knowledge but clearly it’s not) but Wikihow has an article on “How to Clean a House.” I think it’s a great first step for all the not normals out there that want to make their way back to the normal side. Check it out at http://www.wikihow.com/Clean-a-House.