Normal People Do Not Wear Heels With Swim Attire

If you are not a supermodel on a PROFESSIONAL photo shoot or walking the runway at a LEGIT fashion show there is no reason you should ever ever ever ever ever wear high heels with your swim attire. Why? Because that is not normal!!!!

Why in the world would you ever want to wear heels at the swimming pool? That’s like waking up in the morning and saying to yourself “I think I’ll increase the chances that I break my neck today by 99% by wearing heels to the pool party.” Great idea… if you are a moron (i.e. an abnormal)! Why else might one consider wearing heels with their swim attire….

• because it makes your legs look better? If you are that self-conscious you need to skip the pool and hit the bookstore self help section
• you just have to show off your new Louboutins? Don’t be that girl…wait til the appropriate time to break those puppies in
• you are working on your calf muscles? If building your calf muscles is that important to you, skip the pool and hit the gym or work out before pool time and then wear normal shoes (i.e. flip flops) to the pool
• you are hanging out at the Hard Rock pool in Vegas, the ZaZa Hotel pool in Dallas, the pool at the Beverly Hills Hotel, or any other celebrity pool hot spot and you think it’s the thing to do? It’s not!!!! If other people are doing it (celebrities included) that does not make it OK or NORMAL. Don’t let others influence your normalcy. Be proud of your Old Navy flip flops!

This post is directed toward women. If you are a man who wears heels with your swim suit you are clearly not normal and need to cease and desist immediately!!!

So, in conclusion, when is it normal to wear high heels with swim attire? Almost never. Unless you are being paid to do so or are in a beauty pageant there is no reason. If you think you have a good reason to do it in your everyday life… you are wrong and NOT NORMAL!

Normal People Can’t Borrow Expensive Jewelry

Picture this: You, your couch, a beverage of your choice and the TV turned on the Oscars (or any award show for that matter). As you watch all the beautiful, powerful and rich celebrities walk down the red carpet and wave at the fans and cameras, you might notice some “bling,” “glitter,” “ice,” or “cake” dangling around famous wrists, ears or fingers. These lovely pieces of jewelry are on loan from well-known jewelers because they are being worn by celebrities, who, if you will, PIMP their product.  You, sitting on your couch, in your flannel pajamas are NOT flaunting serious bling because you are NOT famous! Normal people can’t go to a jewelry store and request a diamond studded watch to wear for the night in the club. It doesn’t work like that. Sorry to all of you who just had you hearts broken by this news, but sometimes the truth hurts.

So ladies, if you meet a man at a wedding or in a bar and he is wearing a diamond studded ANYTHING and says he “borrowed” it, there are a few logical explanations…

1. It is fake (and if it is, he is a liar and you need to peace out immediately).

2. It is stolen (and if it is, he is a liar and you need to peace out immediately).

3. He is a drug dealer (SELF EXPLANATORY).

why? because normal people can’t borrow expensive jewelry.