Category Archives: Fashion

Normal People Don’t Dress Like This…

Normal people also don’t let their friends leave the house like this. This woman was spotted at the Texas State Fair. Except for the addition of the red dot, this photo has NOT been edited.

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Normal People Don’t Dress Like This…

What the hell is this guy wearing? Can these even be called pants? NO! I’d have to classify them as fabric tied up with a string that missed a couple spots and gapped out oddly in two places in the back… so strange.

Above: A Not Normal Person outside of a popular brunch establishment waiting to get a table

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Normal People Do Not Wear Heels With Swim Attire

If you are not a supermodel on a PROFESSIONAL photo shoot or walking the runway at a LEGIT fashion show there is no reason you should ever ever ever ever ever wear high heels with your swim attire. Why? Because that is not normal!!!!

Why in the world would you ever want to wear heels at the swimming pool? That’s like waking up in the morning and saying to yourself “I think I’ll increase the chances that I break my neck today by 99% by wearing heels to the pool party.” Great idea… if you are a moron (i.e. an abnormal)! Why else might one consider wearing heels with their swim attire….

  • because it makes your legs look better? If you are that self-conscious you need to skip the pool and hit the bookstore self help section
  • you just have to show off your new Louboutins? Don’t be that girl…wait til the appropriate time to break those puppies in
  • you are working on your calf muscles? If building your calf muscles is that important to you, skip the pool and hit the gym or work out before pool time and then wear normal shoes (i.e. flip flops) to the pool
  • you are hanging out at the Hard Rock pool in Vegas, the ZaZa Hotel pool in Dallas, the pool at the Beverly Hills Hotel, or any other celebrity pool hot spot and you think it’s the thing to do? It’s not!!!! If other people are doing it (celebrities included) that does not make it OK or NORMAL. Don’t let others influence your normalcy. Be proud of your Old Navy flip flops!

This post is directed toward women. If you are a man who wears heels with your swim suit you are clearly not normal and need to cease and desist immediately!!!

So, in conclusion, when is it normal to wear high heels with swim attire? Almost never. Unless you are being paid to do so or are in a beauty pageant there is no reason. If you think you have a good reason to do it in your everyday life… you are wrong and NOT NORMAL!

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Normal People Do Not Have Mullets

This “business in the front, party in the back” catastrophe hairstyle may have been popular in the late 1970s and 1980s but…

Normal People Newsflash: IT IS 2008!!! Get a clue people!

Who ever thought this was a good look? It’s not. It wasn’t then and it certainly isn’t now. If you are currently sporting a mullet get to a hairstylist immediately. Right this second. Drop whatever you are doing and GO. Seriously. I am only here to help you. Not only is a Mullet not attractive but it will cause you to be put into certain stereotypes by others. Redneck, white trash… just two of the categories associated with mullets. Who wants to be put in those categories? If your answer is anything other than “not me” or something along those lines you are not normal and probably need more help than a haircut. Don’t shoot the messenger.

It absolutely baffles me when I see someone with a Mullet. Mullets are NOT NORMAL! I can not stress this enough. Did any of you see the episode of ABC’s The Bachelorette where Ron offered to “modernize” Sean’s hair (aka, get rid of the mullet)? Modernize was the nicest way to put it. I’d like to “modernize” the rest of the mullet population!

This also refers to anyone sporting any of the following mulletish hairdon’ts:
Skullet
Frullet
Tropical mullet (a.k.a. the dreaded mullet or rusta mullet)
Jheri curl mullet
Mo-Hullet (a.k.a. the Mullet-Hawk)
Chullet
Mulldina
Fem-Mullet
Cullet
Jazz mullet
Bus-Mullet
Tri-Mullet
Bro-Mullet
Scene Mullet

Yes. These apparently all exist. Please see wikipedia.org for more info.

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Normal People Can’t Wear A Speedo

As summer gets underway, Normal People everywhere are donning their favorite swim attire. I’d like to take this time to remind everyone of one simple fact. The Speedo aka the budgie smuggler, dick tog, competition brief, bather, dick sticker, banana hammock or the grape cape was not designed for the normal male. (This post is directed toward men. If you are a woman who wears a men’s Speedo you are clearly not normal and need to cease and desist immediately!!!)  There are of course exceptions to every rule including this one. If you are a Normal Person who falls into any of the following categories Speedos are perfectly acceptable.

1. If you are a competitive swimmer and/or diver. This does not refer to you and your buddies racing at the community pool.

2. If you are a Lifeguard who is required to wear one. Yes. This actually happens in some countries

3. If you are David Beckham or you look like David Beckham. If you are either of those you are clearly not normal. You are a god. Call me sometime.

4. If you look anything like the guy in the white speedo above. Once again, you are not normal. You are a god. Please do women everywhere a favor and wear a speedo everyday!

If you do not fall into one of these categories please do yourself and everyone else a favor and refrain from wearing a Speedo, in public at least. If you want to catch some rays or take a dip in the privacy of your own home you can wear whatever your little heart desires!

 

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Normal People Don’t Sport JORTS

Jeans and shorts. Both of these items are wonderful pieces of clothing. However, when merged to form one item (cleverly deemed “jorts”) it crosses the line of normalcy. Now, the rules of jorts vary depending on the sex of the person sporting them. Listen closely because there is zero room to stray…

Women-jean shorts are okay as long as they are worn in a tasteful manner (for you abnormals who read this) tasteful manner consists of: not being so short that you can see the pockets and/or your cheeks (you know which ones) and also free of all patches, stains, etc. In addition, they should never be mom-style jorts and never, under any circumstances, should there be a camel toe situation going on in the jort area. While we are on this topic, this should probably just be thrown out there for ALL clothing items…

Men-jean shorts are in NO WAY okay!

If you currently sport jorts:

1. Take them off right now and throw them in the trashcan.

2. I said RIGHT NOW!

3. Consider this blog your Savior.

Once again, normalpeoplenews to the rescue! Healing the world one abnormal person at a time.

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