Normal People Do Not Bring Their Children To Work

The corporate world is not for children. I am sitting at work right now (obviously being productive) and sitting right next to me is my co-worker’s 11 year old daughter. WHY? you ask, is this girl sitting next to me? GREAT QUESTION! I wondered the same thing, so I asked my co-worker, and here is the response I received: “The babysitter cancelled.”

While I realize and am fully aware that things come up unexpectedly at home, you still do not bring your child in to work with you. It disrupts the people working around you, it makes you less productive because you are worried about your child, AND it is just abnormal and inappropriate! Let’s brainstorm together some other options my co-worker had before she brought her daughter into work (for the 2nd time I might add).

1. Mother-in-laws are always great last minute babysitters.

2. This is what PTO is for.

3. WORK FROM HOME! (Man, if only we lived in a world that had phones that you could take with you anywhere and compact computers that were portable and could take with you as well…wouldn’t that make life easy?) SHEESH.

Now that we have gone over other options my co-worker had this morning, let us scan the room together… oh, wait…NOBODY ELSE HAS THEIR CHILDREN IN THE WORKPLACE! (And that does not mean they do not have children!)

Please, PLEASE, people…do not bring your kids to work!

PS. Just some background–The first time she brought her in to work was because the daughter cut her own bangs and didn’t want to go to school. WTF! NOT NORMAL.

Normal People Wear Sunglasses Outdoors

Every normal person knows that the main purpose of sunglasses is to protect your eyes from the harmful UVA and UVB rays that (sans sunglasses) could burn your cornias. Aside from the heplful blockage of rays that sunglasses provide, they have also become quite the fashion accessory. Now, I am ALL about fashion accessories, do not get me wrong (I am a girl), but this particular accessory needs to be for outdoor use only. You do NOT need to be wearing sunglasses indoors! THE SUN DOESN’T SHINE INDOORS and fluorescent lights haven’t damaged anyone else’s eyes since they were invented, so here is a quick normal people newsflash: YOU DON’T LOOK COOL!

I don’t care how trendy or flashy your sunglasses are–they go on when you are outside and off when you are inside. Simple. The only possible way it would be acceptable to wear glasses indoors would be if you were just at the eye doctor, they were mean enough to dilate your pupils, and in total embarrassment you had to run an errand with those plastic, black glasses on your face.

On another note: just because Corey Hart sang the famous words “I wear my sunglasses at night…” does not mean YOU need to wear your sunglasses at night. Leave that to abnormal Corey. “But it’s fun!” you say. My reply to that is “fun? debateable when you are 71 sheets to the wind, but normal? no.”

Bottom line to this post is: keep the sunglasses outside, friends. You’re future ISN’T so bright that you have to wear shades.

Normal People Show Up

Sad, but true: Not normal people get invited to parties, events, galas, get togethers, etc.  However, the act of normalcy that separates the “normals” from the rest of the world is showing up!  RSVP’s aren’t just made up for fun. Normal people know this. If you RSVP “attending” for any type of event, get your ass there! It is the polite, respectful, and normal thing to do! When you tell someone you will be somewhere, you go. End of story. When you tell someone you will show up, they expect you to show up. There really isn’t much more to this…

How would you like it if, lets say, you were having a party and invited your friends and they told you they would be there, were excited about it (yay) and then just never showed their face? That is just rude! There is no other way to put it–other than not normal (but then it wouldn’t be on this blog now, would it?)

 

Normal People Will Find This Blog Entertaining

If, while reading this blog, you have found yourself on the verge of peeing your pants, snorted, doubled over in laugh pains, laughed so hard you cried, laughed out loud, chuckled, been consumed by a fit of giggles or had to spit out your drink because you were so amused… Congratulations! You are normal.

If you have read the posts on this blog and not laughed, even a little… you are not normal. If this website makes you mad… you are not normal. If you have left us a rude comment… you are not normal AND please refer to the about page regarding where to send your complaints. If you think any of these posts refer to you, they probably do and therefore… you are CLEARLY not normal. If you didn’t find the previous statement funny… you are not normal.

Summary: Normal People understand that this blog is for fun. Not Normal People don’t get it!

Normal People Don’t Have Triple-M Sized Breasts

I have a question, and PLEASE let me know if there is ANY type of explanation because I would love to hear it…but WHY IN THE HELL would someone think it is a good idea to have size M breasts, much less TRIPLE size M breasts (or anything remotely close)?

Normal People Newsflash: IT ISN’T ATTRACTIVE!

Breasts like these are clearly not organic so many people are at fault in this situation. I would go with mainly the person who WANTS a triple-M chest, the surgeon who ALLOWED that to happen, the family and then last but not least…ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEEN THEM ON THE STREET AND NOT TOLD THEM THEY DO NOT LOOK GOOD AND THAT IT IS NOT NORMAL!

Not only is this highly unattractive, but your back has to be broken in multiple places, it has to be a nightmare to find clothing and you can’t see your feet! So again, if there is any reasonable explanation for this type of behavior, I would love to hear it. However, if you even think you have an explanation–you are not normal.

To recap: All you people with enormous, obnoxious fake breasts…you’re morons (moron=not normal) so go get a reduction you attention hungry whore.

Normal People Don’t Get Cast On “The Real World”

Normal people do not get cast on the show “The Real World” because normal people do not make good television!

Crazy, jealous, psycho, lunatic people make great TV. Why? Because people like to watch what a train wreck it is when un-normal people are let loose into a new city with seven strangers.

Normal People Do Not Get Married On Major Holidays

So… you’re in love, you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and you’ve decided to take the plunge, get hitched, bite the bullet, tie the knot, forge the river of life together. Great. Fantastic. Woo Hoo. Congratulations! The world is so happy for you. Now please do your friends and family a favor and DO NOT get married on a holiday. Why? Because it’s rude and inconsiderate.

Normal People want to spend their holidays doing what they want to do! That may mean spending time with their friends and family, taking a trip, drinking til they don’t know their name, watching TV, going fishing, playing video games, catching up on movies or absolutely nothing. One thing they do not WANT to do on their holiday is go to your wedding. Will they come to your wedding anyway? Yes. Why? Because they love you and want to be there on your special day. Would they rather you not had it on a holiday? Absolutely. Will they resent you for it and talk about it behind your back? Probably.

In addition to the fact that your guests would appreciate having their holidays to themselves, travel is sooooo much more expensive for holidays. Flights, gas, car rental, hotels rooms… all of it is more expensive than it would be on a normal day. On top of the soaring cost of holiday travel everyone knows that it’s always a b!%#h to travel on the holidays. The roads are busier… which means more traffic. The airports are always packed. More people in the airport equal more grumpy passengers to deal with, the higher chance that your luggage will be lost and there always seem to be more delays. Ug! Who wants to deal with that if they don’t have to?

This post only refers to the majority of weddings/commitment ceremonies. There are a few instances where this rule does not apply. For example…If all of your family is going to be together for the holiday and you want to have a small intimate wedding with them. GREAT! I’m sure they’d be thrilled to kill two birds with one stone mix your wedding into the holiday festivities! Everybody knows that a Christmas wedding with your family will be beautiful. For the rest of you, please steer clear of all major holidays when planning your big day! Your friends and family will thank you… or me!