Tag Archives: swim attire

Normal People Do Not Wear Heels With Swim Attire

If you are not a supermodel on a PROFESSIONAL photo shoot or walking the runway at a LEGIT fashion show there is no reason you should ever ever ever ever ever wear high heels with your swim attire. Why? Because that is not normal!!!!

Why in the world would you ever want to wear heels at the swimming pool? That’s like waking up in the morning and saying to yourself “I think I’ll increase the chances that I break my neck today by 99% by wearing heels to the pool party.” Great idea… if you are a moron (i.e. an abnormal)! Why else might one consider wearing heels with their swim attire….

  • because it makes your legs look better? If you are that self-conscious you need to skip the pool and hit the bookstore self help section
  • you just have to show off your new Louboutins? Don’t be that girl…wait til the appropriate time to break those puppies in
  • you are working on your calf muscles? If building your calf muscles is that important to you, skip the pool and hit the gym or work out before pool time and then wear normal shoes (i.e. flip flops) to the pool
  • you are hanging out at the Hard Rock pool in Vegas, the ZaZa Hotel pool in Dallas, the pool at the Beverly Hills Hotel, or any other celebrity pool hot spot and you think it’s the thing to do? It’s not!!!! If other people are doing it (celebrities included) that does not make it OK or NORMAL. Don’t let others influence your normalcy. Be proud of your Old Navy flip flops!

This post is directed toward women. If you are a man who wears heels with your swim suit you are clearly not normal and need to cease and desist immediately!!!

So, in conclusion, when is it normal to wear high heels with swim attire? Almost never. Unless you are being paid to do so or are in a beauty pageant there is no reason. If you think you have a good reason to do it in your everyday life… you are wrong and NOT NORMAL!

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Normal People Can’t Wear A Speedo

As summer gets underway, Normal People everywhere are donning their favorite swim attire. I’d like to take this time to remind everyone of one simple fact. The Speedo aka the budgie smuggler, dick tog, competition brief, bather, dick sticker, banana hammock or the grape cape was not designed for the normal male. (This post is directed toward men. If you are a woman who wears a men’s Speedo you are clearly not normal and need to cease and desist immediately!!!)  There are of course exceptions to every rule including this one. If you are a Normal Person who falls into any of the following categories Speedos are perfectly acceptable.

1. If you are a competitive swimmer and/or diver. This does not refer to you and your buddies racing at the community pool.

2. If you are a Lifeguard who is required to wear one. Yes. This actually happens in some countries

3. If you are David Beckham or you look like David Beckham. If you are either of those you are clearly not normal. You are a god. Call me sometime.

4. If you look anything like the guy in the white speedo above. Once again, you are not normal. You are a god. Please do women everywhere a favor and wear a speedo everyday!

If you do not fall into one of these categories please do yourself and everyone else a favor and refrain from wearing a Speedo, in public at least. If you want to catch some rays or take a dip in the privacy of your own home you can wear whatever your little heart desires!

 

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