Normal People Do Not Smash Pumpkins.

With Halloween swiftly approaching, beautifully carved pumpkins have begun to pop up everywhere. I love carved pumpkins. They are so festive and wonderful and they really bring out the spirit of the season!

Unfortunately, the carved wonderfulness also brings out the not normals for the ever annoying tradition of pumpkin smashing. These morons dress in dark clothes and attack pumpkins for fun and probably to make them feel better about themselves or make them feel like a big shot. If you need to smash pumpkins to boost your self esteem you are not normal. See a psychologist. If you do it to feel like a big shot you probably have a small penis. Get over it. If you do it for fun you are a mean spirited asshole and you deserve a punch in the face or a swift kick in the balls. I’d be happy to give you either.

It’s simple… Smashing other people’s possessions is not normal. It doesn’t matter if it’s a pumpkin or a Bugatti Veyron. Pumpkin smashing is an act of vandalism and NPN Newsflash: It’s Illegal. If it doesn’t belong to you… leave it the hell alone!

Normal People Don’t Leave Stupid Comments Like This…

*The following comment was left in response to “Normal People Do Not Have Mail Order Brides.” Please refer to that post before reading this one.*

“Normal people don’t write a drawn out repetitive compaint on a random website about how bad it is to meet someone from a different country. Did you eve think maybe people may get sick of dealing with the terrible selfish thought process of american women and would like to meet someone that would appreciate a better life? You are probably someone tht was left by your mate and they found someone from another country that looks better than you and doesn’t complain that things aren’t good enough, lol!”

This person is clearly not normal. They have no right to speak about normalcy or even have the word “normal” in their vocabulary.

You, chrisnuzzo76@yahoo.com, are an utter dip shit! If people get sick of their girlfriends or boyfriends, FINE. YOU DO NOT PURCHASE PEOPLE! What do you not understand about that concept? Cheap whores are the only thing you can purchase and even then you don’t own them.  You are an obvious lost cause of ever reaching a normal state of mind with that comment. If you don’t like American women—LEAVE THE COUNTRY!

NORMAL NOTE: Let us call this “Exhibit A.” This is the exact reason why this site was created.

Normal People Do Not Live In Filth

There is no excuse for filth! By filth I do not mean a typical amount of clutter, yesterday’s clothes on the floor, make-up on the bathroom counter, shoes in the living room, or any of the everyday stuff that normal people have laying around their house that may need to be picked up before company comes over. Filth is plates with moldy food piled up in a sink, overflowing smelly garbage cans, cups that have been left out so long the liquid has evaporated, food in the refrigerator that expired last year, animal feces left on the floor, fast food containers cluttering the place, piles of dirty diapers, toilets that have never been cleaned, compulsive hoarding, or anything else that falls into the filthy category.

There is absolutely, positively, with out a doubt no excuse for your home to resemble a pig pen or trash dump. If you have any of those things going on in your dwelling you are not normal. Solution – CLEAN!!!! Your home does not have to resemble one on the cover of a home design magazine because normal people don’t live that way either but it does have to be clean and free of filth. This post applies to people of all ages, races, and income brackets. You’d be surprised who does and does not live in filth. If you or someone you know are currently living in filth please do something about it immediately! Normal people might find this laughable (because as a normal person you’d assume the following is common knowledge but clearly it’s not) but Wikihow has an article on “How to Clean a House.” I think it’s a great first step for all the not normals out there that want to make their way back to the normal side. Check it out at http://www.wikihow.com/Clean-a-House.

Normal People Use Deodorant

Ever been at a restaurant, in the grocery line, or at a bar and thought… what the hell is that smell? Is the sewer backed up? Is there a horse in the building? Rotten eggs? A dead body? A dirty diaper? Then you realize it’s the B.O. of the person next to you. Ugh! Unfortunately you’ve encountered on a Not Normal Person… a Non-Deodorant Using Not Normal Person to be exact.

Here’s the deal – EVERYONE SWEATS. If you don’t… you are Not Normal and need to get that checked out immediately. No. Seriously. It could be a medical problem. Go see your doctor. Anyway, sweating is good for you. It’s natural. It helps your body release toxins. It also makes you stink. Stinking is not good. For you or the people you come in contact with. Deodorant kills bacteria that makes sweat smelly. USE IT PEOPLE! Deodorant comes in all varieties… regular, organic, kosher, gel, spray, solid, natural, and even vegan. So, there is no excuse not to use it. No Normal Person wants to walk around being super smelly!

Normal People Can’t Borrow Expensive Jewelry

Picture this: You, your couch, a beverage of your choice and the TV turned on the Oscars (or any award show for that matter). As you watch all the beautiful, powerful and rich celebrities walk down the red carpet and wave at the fans and cameras, you might notice some “bling,” “glitter,” “ice,” or “cake” dangling around famous wrists, ears or fingers. These lovely pieces of jewelry are on loan from well-known jewelers because they are being worn by celebrities, who, if you will, PIMP their product.  You, sitting on your couch, in your flannel pajamas are NOT flaunting serious bling because you are NOT famous! Normal people can’t go to a jewelry store and request a diamond studded watch to wear for the night in the club. It doesn’t work like that. Sorry to all of you who just had you hearts broken by this news, but sometimes the truth hurts.

So ladies, if you meet a man at a wedding or in a bar and he is wearing a diamond studded ANYTHING and says he “borrowed” it, there are a few logical explanations…

1. It is fake (and if it is, he is a liar and you need to peace out immediately).

2. It is stolen (and if it is, he is a liar and you need to peace out immediately).

3. He is a drug dealer (SELF EXPLANATORY).

why? because normal people can’t borrow expensive jewelry.

Normal People Know That No Means No

Nope, this post is not to preach to you about date rape or any rape for that matter but while we are on the subject Normal People clearly know that no means no in any sexual activity! This post is about the everyday Nos. Why is it that some people can not take No for an answer??? Easy – because they are not Normal.

Normal People know that no means no. It’s just that easy. When someone says No, they don’t want to go out/don’t want another drink/don’t want to go on a date/don’t want to have Chinese/don’t want to go to the gym/ or any of the other millions of scenarios where one uses the word No it means NO. It does not mean please try to talk me into it/maybe/yes/I’ll think about it or anything else along those lines. Accept it and move on… that’s what Normal People do.

Normal People Know Better

What is today? If you answered Thursday you’re wrong. Well… kind of. Today is the return of Grey’s Anatomy. Normal People know this. Normal People, though they may not plan to be glued to the TV when it comes on tonight, know that it’s tonight and that it’s a BIG deal to people who are fans of the show. So, why have i received 3 invites to different events that all take place tonight??? News alert: Normal People do NOT plan charity events, happy hours and/or dinner parties on the night that Grey’s returns (unless of course it’s a Grey’s watch party/dinner party/or any party involving watching the TV). Yes, I have heard of Tivo/DVR but some shows are just better when watched on the regular date and time. Grey’s is one of them. The anticipation you feel during the commercial breaks, wondering what will happen next, and discussing it with your friends, whether you are watching it together, texting or calling back and forth all adds to the Grey’s experience. So, just to recap Normal People know better than to schedule events during the premiere of Grey’s… if they want people to actually show up!