Normal People Can’t Wear A Speedo

As summer gets underway, Normal People everywhere are donning their favorite swim attire. I’d like to take this time to remind everyone of one simple fact. The Speedo aka the budgie smuggler, dick tog, competition brief, bather, dick sticker, banana hammock or the grape cape was not designed for the normal male. (This post is directed toward men. If you are a woman who wears a men’s Speedo you are clearly not normal and need to cease and desist immediately!!!)  There are of course exceptions to every rule including this one. If you are a Normal Person who falls into any of the following categories Speedos are perfectly acceptable.

1. If you are a competitive swimmer and/or diver. This does not refer to you and your buddies racing at the community pool.

2. If you are a Lifeguard who is required to wear one. Yes. This actually happens in some countries

3. If you are David Beckham or you look like David Beckham. If you are either of those you are clearly not normal. You are a god. Call me sometime.

4. If you look anything like the guy in the white speedo above. Once again, you are not normal. You are a god. Please do women everywhere a favor and wear a speedo everyday!

If you do not fall into one of these categories please do yourself and everyone else a favor and refrain from wearing a Speedo, in public at least. If you want to catch some rays or take a dip in the privacy of your own home you can wear whatever your little heart desires!

 

4 Comments

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4 responses to “Normal People Can’t Wear A Speedo

  1. I was at a swimming pool in Nashville, TN and a Dude from China has a speedo, Elvis side burn, Elvis Hair, Elvis sun glasses, and a unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt…I stil LOL to this day

  2. I

    you may like it or not, but labeling people as a “Dude from China” points deliberately at Nashville, TN – colonial outcasts of a European Empire once betrayed and then lost… However colonial way of life and colonial judgement style is not a psychiatric diagnosis once it is widely appropriated, thus one could perhaps afford one’s racist laughter for 200 years more until one comes to Europe to be cured adequately

  3. Pingback: | banana hammock | « {Rattle} & Hum

  4. What is the aversion to the male form? Why the double standard?
    I frequently see the outline of women’s labia and nipples in their swimwear.
    I encourage men and women to compare swimming in trunks versus form fitting.

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